So I'm joining a convent in Smethwick on Friday

God decided everyone had suffered enough and as the bad solicitors began to muddle through the necessary paperwork to register the little flat correctly with the Land Registry, he sent a zephyr which whipped through the gloomy Norbury offices of the bad solicitors, completed the forms and carried them off the Land Registry, where it put them into the hands of a registering operative who immediately got to work.

This surprised the bad solicitors and pleased them as they were able to get back to Jeremy Kyle, who was shouting at an Elizabeth Duke loyalty card holder as usual. Normal service having resumed, the bad solicitors were, as usual, completely stretched by the simple question the good solicitor put to them some time later; 'Have they cleared the property then?' he asked, as Mr & Mrs Vendor had been extremely slow in achieving this, the week prior.
'I don't know', said the bad solicitor wiping donut sugar from around his mouth, 'I've been a bit busy.'
'Well are the Vendors ready to complete the sale tomorrow, now the property's been registered?' asked the good solicitor?
'I don't know' said the bad solicitor, starting to sound like a Speak & Spell from Texas Instruments. 'There're are a few things to do, I think, before we can complete. I'm not sure if Mr & Mrs Vendor are ready'
'What things?' asked the good solicitor.
'Well their mortgage will have to be redeemed' posed the bad solicitor.
'They haven't got one!' exclaimed the good solicitor, 'It's clear possession. The flat only cost them fifty-three pence! They bought it from the council because of Margaret Thatcher!'
'Oh' said the bad solicitor. His attention distracted by the television screen. A woman in velour had launched herself at another woman, pulling her hair, as men with shirts labelled, 'SECURITY' tried to remove her from the set.
The good solictor waited for his opponent to speak for a second before asking: 'So are you going to do anything about completing this transaction tomorrow? My eager client has been waiting months!'
'I don't know', said the bad solicitor one final time as he absent mindedly hung up the phone and shouted, 'Geewaaaaan! Give 'er a slap!' at the television.

Updated by the good solicitor, the eager client determinedly called the handsome estate agent, who was once again disturbed at the extent of the bad solicitor's ineptitude. He in turn called Mrs Vendor and swiftly relayed this fact-finding conversation back to the eager client; 'Mrs Vendor was perplexed as to why I was calling her', said the handsome estate agent. 'She said her solicitor called her early today and asked if she would go in to their gloomy Norbury office tomorrow to complete and finalise the transaction.'
'So they are ready to complete tomorrow then?' said the eager client, bemused.
'It would seem so.' said the handsome estate agent.
'Then what is the bad solicitor on about?' asked the eager client.
'Your guess is as good as mine' said the handsome estate agent.

So what really is the situation, boys and girls? Has the property been cleared of all furniture? Will Mrs Vendor's visit to the bad solicitors gloomy Norbury office result in full completion of the sale tomorrow? Find out in the next gripping instalment of, The Bad Solicitors of London Town.