Grocer's window

Mr Kenneth is angry. (A common condition to one so easily vexed) He could put it down to the socialised intolerance, inherited from his mother - a wonderful woman with the middle class tendancy to dismiss out of hand anything she doesn't understand - but in this case the source of vexation is worthy of such intolerance and dismissal.

Having drained the Duracel somewhat taking his CD Walkman to the gym, (to have the beats of some old skool dancepop assist his motivation on the treadmill) on the tube, instead of blotting out the world, or at least the usually unattractive people around him with music, he decided to read his book. Into an interesting paragraph on the history of London's Park Lane, he became urgently aware of an insistant and sporadic snapping sound. 'Quite distracting', he thought and carried on reading. 'Snap', again and then, a sentence about the Dorchester Hotel later and once again, 'snap!'. At this he looked up to see, sitting diagonally opposite him, what can only be described as a creature of the female gender, chewing with attitude. Hair scraped back in the obligatory Croydon facelift, ears lined with Elizabeth Duke's finest and track suited up to the nines, she sat there drawing all the attention she could to her respect me attitude. To add insult to injury, she was fat too. Interestingly, Mr K never actually saw a bubble pop, for it was the sound of each popping that made him involuntarily - believe me no one would have voluntarily - look up and see the thing. She was just too much! Mr Kenneth hated her with all the venom he could muster. Quite irational and hideously intolerant, but as they say at L'Oreal, she was worth it!

One thing though, when Mr K did look up, there directly opposite him was quite a cute young gayboy looking right back at him. He was probably only looking in that way people permit themselves to do when a common irritation strikes on the tube, like an extended delay in the tunnel or a drunk person vomiting, to fleetingly bond over the experience, but you never know!

Oh! And another thing! That really iritating advert for - can't remember what it's for, so effective is it's brand-blindingly severe iritation - has just been on. The one where the woman is going on about doing more than one thing at once, with all the sub-text about how women are multi-taskers. What utter bollocks! Not only does Mr Kenneth hate such gender stereotyping, but doing more than one thing at once utterly sick and wrong. The whole thing is promoting that evil idea about high speed life and having everything yesterday, which just makes work and modern life rubbish. The most iritating thing of all is that the things she is doing; stirring a coffee while pouring her wine etc look just so clumsy and unnecessary that she looks like a complete dick.

Ooh, Mr Kenneth is seething now! And the gym's been done, so how can he purge? He'll go to bed and think of some way...